Learning to Walk in Faith
Seems like such an easy concept to simply believe in something unseen. Kids believe in Santa Clause and elves so easily, but as adults our own doubts get in the way. The same is with God, childlike faith can be easy for children but the world skews our view as we grow.
I want childlike faith. I aim for it. This year when God gave me the word Trust as my 2016 word, I knew He was going to teach me this important life lesson. It's been a process these past months, for sure. Daily refining. Fine tuning my ears to be still and listen for His voice. I haven't always been great at it, some weeks I forget to really take the time or pray or open my Bible, but as I've felt better this second trimester the energy to pursue Him for passionately is there.
Okay, God. What is the next step? Where do I go from here? Is that REALLY what you want for us and plan for us?
It's little things and big things. Daily trusting in protecting our family and His provisions for providing. It's big things like job opportunities and family planning. I knew I was going to be pregnant this year, I knew He was expanding us whether I (we) felt capable or not. There's another big, big thing I feel strongly God has called our family too that will take only leaning on God, turning hearts, and financial provision (not ready to reveal that yet!). But His voice is so clear right now as I lean into Him, like a child asking an earthly father for comfort and advice.
I want faith like Moses to simply take steps each day, not knowing exactly where I am going or how things will turn out, but trusting in His promise and guidance.
I want to trust God like Daniel in the Lion's den, no matter what this world that is crumbling apart throws at us Christians (and natural minded people who trust in God's design, for that matter).
In small group last Thursday we studied Hebrews chapter 11, which is all about faith, fittingly. We were reminded of Moses, Joseph, Jacob, etc. that all acted in faith. It was really relatable to me right now and this season of growing. Part of my worries with this pregnancy, besides my inadequacy as a mother of FIVE kids, is trusting God with this baby. It is so hard to not want to yank control and find out if this baby is a boy or a girl (Mark really wants to be surprised!) or go get a bunch of ultrasounds and tests done to make sure things are okay.
I've felt for years God has promised us a boy, but two girls have popped out since. Is this our boy? I don't know. It feels like I did with Jaxson, much sicker and craving pizza and salty things (mmm pickles...), but I keep dreaming baby is a girl! God has softened my heart to be truly okay with either. A baby is such a gift, such a joy regardless (one dream was of a big baby girl who was SO incredibly joyful and smiling even after birth, who couldn't love that?!) and I trust now that God knows exactly what we need in this family. I also trust He will provide us girl clothes since I donated them all :-P He is our family planner, not I. Not my husband. He is in control. I also haven't felt this baby much at all, I can't tell if I'm imagining the tiny flutters or if they are the real deal, so there is a lot of trusting that everything is okay in there. After a miscarriage 7 years ago, that is hard to do sometimes.
There is such peace with that surrender-- that seeking of His will and His way. I want to sit here forever, simply in His presence. Waiting for the next call in every area of our lives. I was told last night repeatedly that I have this peaceful glow about me. We joked it was my oils or the yummy gluten free cupcakes I had eaten prior or the free time from kids...but the truth is it is evidence of my faith in God. That's the best compliment I could ever have-- that my faith and fruits are seen by others.
What do You want me to do today, Lord?
That's the best way to start our days. Surrendering our plan and priorities to His will in faith it is exactly what we should be doing today.